Postby Graham » Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:08 pm
BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN PERTH
1. Indicators will give away your next move. A real Perth driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space,
putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive repairs. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the
brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.
8. Please remember that there is no such thing
as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Perth.
9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre.
10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Perth is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to Main Roads, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes, not forgetting the 'Test your skill' chicanes in suburbs.
12. It is traditional in Perth to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
15. Remember that the goal of every Perth
driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
16. Real Perth women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
17. Real Perth men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 95 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
18. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process and creating a need for panel beaters, junkyards, and new vehicle sales. It is an acceptable practice to increase your speed in
comparison to the rate of rain fall, i.e..: the harder it rains, the faster you go.
19. There is a commonly held belief in Perth
that high-speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front.
20. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because, hell - they have brakes.
21. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it
may be, always find a detour around The Causeway, The Narrows, Guildford, and that poxy 1km lane stretch between Mitchel Freeway and Reid Highway.
22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one-way street.
23. It's O.K when driving in Northbridge to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out
"#%*#". However, it is imperative you are driving at least a 5-litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.
24. Perth drivers are experts at merging, when in two or more lanes travelling in the same direction, ensure that if you see someone
politely indicating, waiting slowly trying to merge into your lane, show them that
they must 'Wait their turn' to use your lane. Speed up, try to cut them off, should they succeed and get into your lane never mind that it was actually legal for them to do that, ensure that your flash your lights, honk your horn, use extreme hand gestures, even tailgate them, just to let them know, IT WAS YOUR LANE.
25. Ensure that when merging into traffic travelling at any more than 40kph that you stop in the merging lane, backing up traffic for
miles behind you, ensuring that you have given yourself or no-one else that opportunity to merge. Again, forget that the traffic handbook states that you should speed up to meet traffic speed then merge. If you are
travelling in a lane near a merge lane, don't change lanes to make it easy
for them, instead see rule 24, after all they deserve it.
26. While using Perth roundabouts, particularly two lane roundabouts, ENSURE that you are in the left lane to turn right, or the right to turn
left, hell lets keep those people in those other lanes on their toes.
27. If you are an TransPerth bus driver, you must win at all costs, getting to your destination prior to any other driver is life and
death. Never worry about your passengers bouncing round in the back like tennis
balls, hell it's a cheap form of theme park, in fact Perth's very own.
28. Perth taxis, see rule 27, except you are now qualifying for the GMC 400.
29. Pedestrian crossings - What are they?
Four wheels move the body, two wheels move the soul.
Daily Driver: Yamaha R1
Weekend Warrior: BMW Z4 Roadster
) and there's the huge barrier that seperates you from the other person.
Post in the cruise thread so we can get an idea of numbers!